Who is my husband?

It is really late, and I am really tired, and that is when I have thoughts like these:

I get soooo frustrated, just as much as my husband, but for different reasons. I need to know that things will be ok. I need to know what mannerisms are my husband, and which are "just the stroke talking". Is he being obstinate? Is he punishing me because I can still talk?

That last sounds bad. He does not physically hurt me. But, for all the times I have had to push him to do his homework, for all the times we have had long discussions, only to find out that he said the complete opposite of what he intended all the way through, for all the times he has told me that he will do something, then magically "forget" five minutes later..... It is all very tiring, and even after two years, I find myself crying while he is asleep, wondering when I will be able to trust him enough where I don't have to double-check his every move.

I think back to when his stroke first occurred. One of the few times I was home that month, I jumped online and looked for an online support group. I found one - I don't remember the name, but is was for young stroke patients, and it was riddled with spammers. I posted to one of the groups that had recent activity from real stroke victims, and posted a plea. "I am five months pregnant, I feel all alone, my husband just had a stroke, I don't know if he will be alive tomorrow, I need to know everything will be ok."

I'm still looking for an answer.