I have almost decided that Dave did not have a stroke. He is just being a guy, and figured out how to get away with it.
Other people periodically ask me about Dave, and in my lower moments, I commiserate about how it gets tiring to have to remind him to flush the toilet, brush his teeth, feed the kids, go to the doctor's office. What I invariably get from everyone is, "Oh, my husband is like that, too!"
Then there are the times like today. We were at our daughter's pre-K, and they were having their Easter party, since next week is Spring Break. I asked Dave to get the camera out of the trunk of the car so we could take pictures.
"At home?"
"No, in the trunk of the car."
"In the back room at home?"
"No, in the trunk of the car."
"The car at home?"
"No, the car here. The trunk of the car here." (Gesturing towards the parking lot.)
"That car? Our car?"
"Yes. That car. In the trunk. In the back." (Gesture towards the car, then behind me as I pantomine driving the car. The kids are starting to think this is a great game.)
"Where in car."
"In the trunk. There is a basket." (I indicate a round basket with my hands, then pretend to pick it up by the handles and carry it.)
"In our car?"
"Yes. Our car. There. In the trunk. You will see it on top of the basket." (I use our sign for "look", then indicate a basket again.)
The kids are getting ready for an Easter Egg Hunt. The 3-year olds completely get the basket idea. Basket. Car. Right.
So, he goes out to the car. I can see through the window. He spends 10 minutes checking the back seat, moving papers, looking under the seat. He finally opens the trunk, immediately sees the camera, and comes back inside.
I don't want to hear how your husband is "just like that".
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Misstatements and Children
Dave has been practicing some of his harder-to-say words again, and I just had to record them here for posterity. It really is interesting what comes out sometimes.
For instance, there was the one time he wanted to tell one of the girls that works for me that she was pretty. So, he called her a whore. Luckily for me, she understood and took it in good grace.
Dave invariably used to refer to our daughter Rowan as He and Him. I finally broke him of that habit. Unfortunately, he now refers to our identical boys as Her and She. I keep telling him that he had better correct that before they get to school age, or else they will get beaten up the first time he picks them up at the playyard. He nods his head in understanding, closes his eyes, thinks really hard and gets the right words out. I wish he would try that hard the first time.
When we were younger, we used to kid with each other. "You're silly!" I would exclaim. "No, I'm not, I'm affectionate!" he would reply. Now it comes out as, "I'm infectious!" I keep telling him that he may be that too. He has not been able to get that word correct yet, despite hard practice.
It was a bad day when he tried to help my parents by taking their clothes upstairs for them after they were done in the wash. "I've taken the trash upstairs for you." Yep, bad day indeed.
This evening, I had to look twice when he looked at one of the babies and said, "You can't eat that, you need teats!" I then had him practice making the "th" sound. "TeeTH, teeTH!" I would say. That is remarkably hard for him, and he can pronounce it correctly after multiple tries, but it doesn't seem to stick.
'Course, I have to wonder about how his speech affects the kids. Rowan does not enunciate as well as other kids, and has trouble being understood. I have to wonder how much Dave has influenced her speech patterns. Rowan is also old enough to start correcting Daddy. If she asks for milk, and he says water, she says, "No Daddy, Milk! Milk!" It saddens me that she has to correct her father so often at her young age. She is only three, after all.
Still, none of us are perfect. My father was talking to me this evening, and repeatedly called my daughter by my sister's name, Jeannie. Rowan does look a lot like my sister when she was about the same age, but as I pointed out to Dad, one of them was bound to be annoyed if he said that to their face. So he took to calling them "the taller one" and "the shorter one".
For instance, there was the one time he wanted to tell one of the girls that works for me that she was pretty. So, he called her a whore. Luckily for me, she understood and took it in good grace.
Dave invariably used to refer to our daughter Rowan as He and Him. I finally broke him of that habit. Unfortunately, he now refers to our identical boys as Her and She. I keep telling him that he had better correct that before they get to school age, or else they will get beaten up the first time he picks them up at the playyard. He nods his head in understanding, closes his eyes, thinks really hard and gets the right words out. I wish he would try that hard the first time.
When we were younger, we used to kid with each other. "You're silly!" I would exclaim. "No, I'm not, I'm affectionate!" he would reply. Now it comes out as, "I'm infectious!" I keep telling him that he may be that too. He has not been able to get that word correct yet, despite hard practice.
It was a bad day when he tried to help my parents by taking their clothes upstairs for them after they were done in the wash. "I've taken the trash upstairs for you." Yep, bad day indeed.
This evening, I had to look twice when he looked at one of the babies and said, "You can't eat that, you need teats!" I then had him practice making the "th" sound. "TeeTH, teeTH!" I would say. That is remarkably hard for him, and he can pronounce it correctly after multiple tries, but it doesn't seem to stick.
'Course, I have to wonder about how his speech affects the kids. Rowan does not enunciate as well as other kids, and has trouble being understood. I have to wonder how much Dave has influenced her speech patterns. Rowan is also old enough to start correcting Daddy. If she asks for milk, and he says water, she says, "No Daddy, Milk! Milk!" It saddens me that she has to correct her father so often at her young age. She is only three, after all.
Still, none of us are perfect. My father was talking to me this evening, and repeatedly called my daughter by my sister's name, Jeannie. Rowan does look a lot like my sister when she was about the same age, but as I pointed out to Dad, one of them was bound to be annoyed if he said that to their face. So he took to calling them "the taller one" and "the shorter one".
Monday, November 3, 2008
Aphasia Day Care (with the triplets)
Well, the babies have been home now for six, maybe seven weeks. None of us are getting much sleep. Understandably, I think. Many things have become fuzzy. Like the passage of time.
A reporter came to our house and wrote a wonderful article about the babies, titled "Triplets Born with Rare Condition Defy the Odds". You can find it on Yahoo Buzz on the following link. If you have a yahoo account, please go there and vote (buzz) for it. I'd love to see it move up the popularity list!
If you go this next link, you will see the exact same story, but it has pictures of the boys as well (one at the top of the article, and a closeup of the boys towards the bottom):
And, of course, the obligatory picture from home:
There is no lack of love for the babies, but I easily get frustrated with Dave these days. I'm sure the lack of sleep plays into it. I often get only 2-4 hours of sleep each night. Dave routinely gets 7-12, then complains that he feels too tired to do anything. Playing 20 questions with him (because of his aphasia) has not been fun for a very, very long time. He stays up until 7AM before waking me up for my shift with the boys. He thinks of it as doing me a favor - trying to let me sleep more. What he just doesn't get, no matter how many times I try to explain this to him, is that I need two people awake during "normal business hours" so I can try to spend a few hours each day working on the business - making phone calls, paying bills - without attempting to watch four kids at the same time. If I can just get him to stop waking me up every time one of the babies smiles after 8PM, I can sleep earlier in the evening, he can be in bed by 2AM, and we can get everything done that we need to get done....
Oh, and he is back to watching TV while holding a baby in his lap. I lost track of the number of times the baby had a bottle in his mouth, but was not actually eating. Dave calls it his "bonding time" with the kids. I see it as an excuse to watch TV - he isn't really paying attention to the kids. I wish he would do something like feed the kids, and spend the free time washing and folding clothes. Something useful. (He could even do that in front of the TV - but then it would not be fun!)
Unfortunately, I feel like I am back to beating my head against the wall. It has become easier to give him the silent treatment, ignore what he does, then to explain over, and over, and over again why I would like clean underwear, why he needs to go to bed earlier, why the boys need to sleep at least part of the day with the light off and in their own bed. He has asked me why I have stopped telling him that I love him. It is hard to feel that, when I feel I am taking care of 5 kids - a set of newborn triplets, a 3 year old, and a 44 year old stroke patient.
Then, to top everything off, my mom is in the hospital right now for surgery on her ankle. My parents have been living with us since Dave had his stroke, and have pretty much been running the business for me through my pregnancy and these first few months with the boys. With my mom laid up (which she will be for many weeks while she recovers), my dad will be at her side. So, time has suddenly become much tighter, things have become more stressed.
Well, I think I will end this post here. I seem to have run the full gamut of emotions. Gotta save something for next time!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The Boys Are Here!!!!!
For anyone who has been wondering, the triplets have arrived!
ONE of my waters broke on 7/30 (there were three amniotic sacs, only one broke...), but the docs were able to delay delivery for a few more days - it allowed a few injections of steroids to help develop their lungs. After all, they were born at only 29 weeks and 2 days!
Pics are below - Arthur Raymond Titus, 2lb 14oz, 15 1/2"; Brannon Ash Titus, 3lb 5oz, 15 3/4", Charles Ares Titus, 2lb 13.7oz, 15 1/2". These are the birth pics - they are off the ventilators, breathing tubes, and IV's. They are fed milk via feeding tubes (they are still learning to swallow), and are being treated for jaundice and sleep apnea (which is "normal" for preemies). We are allowed to hold them, they seem to recognize our voices, and they track fingers in front of their faces. In general, we are extremely pleased with their progress. Since we live an hour away, we are trying to see them every other day. When I heal up enough (I had a c-section), I hope to get a room at the local Ronald McDonald house so I can spend every day with them!
ONE of my waters broke on 7/30 (there were three amniotic sacs, only one broke...), but the docs were able to delay delivery for a few more days - it allowed a few injections of steroids to help develop their lungs. After all, they were born at only 29 weeks and 2 days!
Pics are below - Arthur Raymond Titus, 2lb 14oz, 15 1/2"; Brannon Ash Titus, 3lb 5oz, 15 3/4", Charles Ares Titus, 2lb 13.7oz, 15 1/2". These are the birth pics - they are off the ventilators, breathing tubes, and IV's. They are fed milk via feeding tubes (they are still learning to swallow), and are being treated for jaundice and sleep apnea (which is "normal" for preemies). We are allowed to hold them, they seem to recognize our voices, and they track fingers in front of their faces. In general, we are extremely pleased with their progress. Since we live an hour away, we are trying to see them every other day. When I heal up enough (I had a c-section), I hope to get a room at the local Ronald McDonald house so I can spend every day with them!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Dave's Stroke in the Bay Weekly
If anyone is interested - this is an article that was published a year or two ago regarding the Maryland Renaissance Festival. I have been a part of the MD Renfaire (www.rennfest.com) for about 20 years now, in one form or another. I dragged poor Dave into this when we started dating..... And now The Bee Folks (http://www.beefolks.com/) is a major attraction at the festival.
I was approached by a reporter for the Bay Weekly looking for stories of interest from the Renaissance Faire. We initially spoke by phone, and she eventually came to our office to see our operations and to hear more. Some of what she took away that day made it into her article, including a mention of Dave's stroke and the Faire's reaction to it.
The entire article is interesting and is an accurate representation of the Faire, but if you want to skip to Dave's part, look for the section titled "The Spirit of Revel Grove", about half-way down the page.
http://www.bayweekly.com/year06/issuexiv33/leadxiv33_1.html
I was approached by a reporter for the Bay Weekly looking for stories of interest from the Renaissance Faire. We initially spoke by phone, and she eventually came to our office to see our operations and to hear more. Some of what she took away that day made it into her article, including a mention of Dave's stroke and the Faire's reaction to it.
The entire article is interesting and is an accurate representation of the Faire, but if you want to skip to Dave's part, look for the section titled "The Spirit of Revel Grove", about half-way down the page.
http://www.bayweekly.com/year06/issuexiv33/leadxiv33_1.html
Saturday, June 21, 2008
This summed up my feelings
Just a quick post:
When Dave had his stroke, this was hot on the radio. Every time I had to drive from one hospital to another, or the few times I went home to take a shower, I heard it on the radio. It really summed up my feelings at the time. Made me cry back then every time I heard it, and looking back, I should have pulled over to the side of the road every time I heard it.
Shoot, it still makes me cry when I hear it.
The song is called Broken, by a band called Seether, and the version on the radio featured Amy Lee from Evanescence. I have read that the song was originally written by the lead singer of Seether about his wife and daughter when he had to leave them. To me, it expressed everything I felt about wanting to protect Dave through those troubling times. The first version is the video with Amy Lee, the second is just Seether. Both are links to YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKGpZuadMsA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4XQfDd0iMc&feature=related
When Dave had his stroke, this was hot on the radio. Every time I had to drive from one hospital to another, or the few times I went home to take a shower, I heard it on the radio. It really summed up my feelings at the time. Made me cry back then every time I heard it, and looking back, I should have pulled over to the side of the road every time I heard it.
Shoot, it still makes me cry when I hear it.
The song is called Broken, by a band called Seether, and the version on the radio featured Amy Lee from Evanescence. I have read that the song was originally written by the lead singer of Seether about his wife and daughter when he had to leave them. To me, it expressed everything I felt about wanting to protect Dave through those troubling times. The first version is the video with Amy Lee, the second is just Seether. Both are links to YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKGpZuadMsA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4XQfDd0iMc&feature=related
Monday, June 9, 2008
Update on the Family
I must admit, Dave is handling everything very well right now.
While we were down in Florida, he spent very little time on the Internet and watching TV. The exact opposite of what he did up here, where he spent the first 2-2.5 years post-stroke watching TV cartoon shows under the pretense that he was "doing homework". While in Florida, his speech skills skyrocketed in a way that I never would have dreamed of, this long post-stroke. All I can figure is that he was forced to interact more directly with the world, and that this new stimulation to his brain jump-started some neural pathways.
Don't get me wrong. He still has lots of issues, and still flubs majorly while under stress or when tired. I still don't see him going back to work, dealing with clients and contracts. But, especially when I am tired from the pregnancy, it is nice to be able to communicate more easily with my own husband.
Now, with me being pregnant, he is still spending much less time on the computer and TV, and actually doing work around the house. YEAH! In my mind, this is helping him as much as me, just based off the Florida experience. I have stopped fretting about Dave trying to sleep in until 2PM, and I spend more time thanking him for washing the dishes, watching our daughter, and making certain that I always have something to drink.
Maybe this sounds kinda selfish. However, a few weeks ago, the babies took a turn for the worse. I went in for one of my "routine" sonograms, to find out that they are in stage two of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. If you look up TTTS on google, you can find all you ever wanted to know about it. But, in brief, one baby was hogging a good portion of the blood flow from the placenta, and because of this, another baby wasn't getting enough. At the time, I had 6-7 weeks to go until the babies were viable. Left untreated, all three babies were likely to die in utero, or if they made it to 26 weeks, they would be born with major heart and brain problems and have to be cared for for the rest of their lives.
So, I underwent an orthoscopic laser surgery to correct the problem. I came through the surgery just fine, and the babies seem to be doing well so far. Dave and my parents took turns staying with me in the hospital. That is saying a lot for Dave - he hates hospitals. Between his own stroke and his parent's illnesses, he has only seen pain and suffering at hospitals, and prefers not to go at all. But he was there for me.
Now I am two weeks post-surgery, and back at home on bedrest. Dave has been an angel, keeping house, rubbing my feet, making certain I eat, test my blood sugar, making certain I take my medications, driving me to and from the doctor appointments.... Every now and then we joke that I spent the second half of my last pregnancy taking care of Dave, that it was all about Dave, and now it is Dave's turn to take care of me. Or that he is fobidden to have another stroke (his three-year anniversary is July 4). Or that it sucks that I have gestational diabetes, and can't send him out for Ben and Jerry's at 3AM just on principle.
I am feeling very lucky right now, that Dave is able to help so much. He better not have another stroke.
(Oh, and since I don't think I have mentioned it yet - the docs have decided we are having identical triplet boys. Dave wants to name them Thor, Zeus, and Mars. I'm not certain if he really wants those names, or if he is just saying that to get my dander up! Never a dull moment around here....)
While we were down in Florida, he spent very little time on the Internet and watching TV. The exact opposite of what he did up here, where he spent the first 2-2.5 years post-stroke watching TV cartoon shows under the pretense that he was "doing homework". While in Florida, his speech skills skyrocketed in a way that I never would have dreamed of, this long post-stroke. All I can figure is that he was forced to interact more directly with the world, and that this new stimulation to his brain jump-started some neural pathways.
Don't get me wrong. He still has lots of issues, and still flubs majorly while under stress or when tired. I still don't see him going back to work, dealing with clients and contracts. But, especially when I am tired from the pregnancy, it is nice to be able to communicate more easily with my own husband.
Now, with me being pregnant, he is still spending much less time on the computer and TV, and actually doing work around the house. YEAH! In my mind, this is helping him as much as me, just based off the Florida experience. I have stopped fretting about Dave trying to sleep in until 2PM, and I spend more time thanking him for washing the dishes, watching our daughter, and making certain that I always have something to drink.
Maybe this sounds kinda selfish. However, a few weeks ago, the babies took a turn for the worse. I went in for one of my "routine" sonograms, to find out that they are in stage two of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. If you look up TTTS on google, you can find all you ever wanted to know about it. But, in brief, one baby was hogging a good portion of the blood flow from the placenta, and because of this, another baby wasn't getting enough. At the time, I had 6-7 weeks to go until the babies were viable. Left untreated, all three babies were likely to die in utero, or if they made it to 26 weeks, they would be born with major heart and brain problems and have to be cared for for the rest of their lives.
So, I underwent an orthoscopic laser surgery to correct the problem. I came through the surgery just fine, and the babies seem to be doing well so far. Dave and my parents took turns staying with me in the hospital. That is saying a lot for Dave - he hates hospitals. Between his own stroke and his parent's illnesses, he has only seen pain and suffering at hospitals, and prefers not to go at all. But he was there for me.
Now I am two weeks post-surgery, and back at home on bedrest. Dave has been an angel, keeping house, rubbing my feet, making certain I eat, test my blood sugar, making certain I take my medications, driving me to and from the doctor appointments.... Every now and then we joke that I spent the second half of my last pregnancy taking care of Dave, that it was all about Dave, and now it is Dave's turn to take care of me. Or that he is fobidden to have another stroke (his three-year anniversary is July 4). Or that it sucks that I have gestational diabetes, and can't send him out for Ben and Jerry's at 3AM just on principle.
I am feeling very lucky right now, that Dave is able to help so much. He better not have another stroke.
(Oh, and since I don't think I have mentioned it yet - the docs have decided we are having identical triplet boys. Dave wants to name them Thor, Zeus, and Mars. I'm not certain if he really wants those names, or if he is just saying that to get my dander up! Never a dull moment around here....)
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